The Untold Story of Bowser

It was in the sixth grade when Bowser realized he was fat.

 His mother always said there was "just more to love," but she had to say that since dad left.

All the koopas his age teased him relentlessly for his over-sized shell and acrid smell.

“I can’t help it!” he’d plead, “I have over active glands!”

But everyone knew it was because he lived in the sewers because he was poor.

His mother couldn't find work and his father left when he was a baby.

So the koopas would laugh and throw hammers and fireballs at poor teenage Bowser.

I know it is awful! But this is what children do.

After school, the koopas would pace in front of the school waiting to chase him back to the pipes.

Sometimes, in a rush, Bowser would choose the wrong pipe and become lodged in there.

The koopas would laugh hysterically at this.

 "Bubble Butt Bowser!" they would always say.

After a rouge plumber bounced on his mother's head, instantly killing her, Bowser was like a go-kart off

the rails and spiraling off the Star Road into depression.

He dressed in all black and fell in with the goth crowd.

Heavy pointed manacles may have encompassed his wrists, but everyone knew he was just a tub of

nothing taking up space.

The only comfort Boswer took each day was staring at the golden locks of the new transfer student sitting in front of him.

 He knew that She'd never say he was a giant tub of nothing. She'd be kind to him.

One day he noticed her crying in the corner. Working up the courage, he sidled up near her

and tapped her shoulder as lightly as he could.

"Hey, it's uh Peach, right? You ok?"

As she turned, and whipped her sparkling hair, Bowser swore he saw the sun turn away in shame.

Or perhaps it was just another asshole Lakitu flying by.

"Oh my!" she cooed. "You're a big fella!"

Bowser felt a flare of embarrassment rush over him in waves.

He started to turn to leave when a gentle hand touched his hunched shoulders.

"Oh dear! I offended you! I just meant you're not like all the rest of the koopas here."

A different fire ignited within him, "You're not like everyone else either!" he said, a little too enthusiastically.

She smiled at that.

"But why were you crying?"

"Oh...I seem to have... a stalker. And he won’t leave me alone"

"NO!" smoke started to rise as Bowser's nostrils flared. Smoke? That never happened before. "Who is this fiend? Let me protect you!"

Peach wasn't quite sure what it was about him, but as she looked past his tuft of ginger hair and into his eyes, she knew he would keep her safe.

Peach agreed to let him walk her home as she began to explain this stalker of hers.

"We dated once, a really long time ago," she said as they made their way through the power flower fields, "but he was really obsessive, and we never had a moment alone. He was always hanging out with his bum brother Luigi! Ugh, and he’s ALWAYS wearing green, can you think of more heinous color?? Besides I love wearing pink, and it would always clash with his red overalls. I asked him to change or at least try wearing something a little bit nicer, but he refused! Italians and they're pride, right? But I didn't put on a dress for nothing! Don't you think pink and red look just awful together?"

Bowser had stopped listening to her incessant prattle of color clashing, as he noticed the house they were walking to.

Nay, not house...castle.

"You live here?" he asked sheepishly.

"Of course! I know its sooo blah with all the gray bricks, not to mention all the renovations we have to do in the east wing because some weirdo Birdo stank the place up with rotten eggs! I was trying to hold a debutante ball in that mess, can you believe it??"

It was more than Bowser had ever dreamed of.

As the draw bridge was starting to lower, Bowser noticed something shift behind him. In a flash of red he saw a booted foot swinging towards him. Bowser roared and slashed at empty air, the assailant missing him by inches. Without thinking Bowser grabbed Peach, and hopped over the lowering draw bridge.

Blood was pounding in his ears as he held Peach by the waist, searching for a safe place to hide.

Skidding into a side room off the main lobby, Bowser slammed the door shut and barred it with heavy wood. He started to catch his breath as he turned to Peach.

"Well that was-"

"Are you insane!? Do you KNOW how much this dress cost me?"

"I'm sorry I didn't —"

"Think??" She finished for him, "You're damn right you didn't think! This dress could have ripped, and then what would we have done?!"

"I was only trying to help you!"

Bowser's shout was quickly drowned out by a crash as the barred door was blasted to pieces behind them.

As the dust began to settle a mustachioed man in red overalls came riding in on what could only be described as an adorable dinosaur.

Bowser made to shout again, but he belched out a ball of fire instead!

The fireball hit the dinosaur square in the face, causing it and the mustachioed man to fall to the floor.

"Quickly! Onto my back!"

"But-" She pleaded, but Bowser was done listening about her dress. He could take an earful if it meant saving her life. Bowser grabbed Peach and flung her to his back. He quickly wove through bedroom, dining rooms, kitchens, and privies; there was no end to this place!

He couldn't help but admire the ornate tapestries hanging on the walls or the high vaulted ceilings that provided so much air! There was no end to wealth in this place! They even had small rivulets of lava to keep the house warm! Impressive!

Bowser rounded a corner and pushed his way to what he believed was the highest room in the castle. It was oddly quiet in this room. Too quiet...

Bowser tentatively reached behind his back to check on Peach, as soon as he felt her, his heart fell. He had forgotten about the gothic spikes that now covered his shell.

Peach lay mutilated in Bowser’s hands.

Her twisted corpse gave the slightest shutter just as Mario crossed the threshold.

A fireball in Mario’s hand fell to his side as he saw the scene before him.

In the smallest voice Mario managed a “What's a-happun to her?”

Bowser softly laid Peach’s body on the ground, a large tear rolled down his scaly cheek.

Bowser gaped around, unable to form the words to explain. Suddenly he spotted a green tapestry hanging near a window.

He straightened his back, adjusted his right spiked manacle, flexed his underdeveloped pectoral, looked Mario dead in the eyes and replied, “Luigi.”

The fire ball in Mario’s hand began to ignite once again.

 Mario lowered his red cap, “He’s a-gonna pay for this,” with one fell swooped Mario boinged down the nearest pipe.

Bowser cleansed his hands in the lava stream, chuckling deeply to himself.

Peach’s body flickered twice and then disappeared.

The room grew quiet, as Bowser looked around.

The castle was all his.