How it Went

So recently I performed at the Comedy Store.

Recently as in Monday night. It all started when a coworker told me about a Craig's list ad seeking new comics for the Store. Weird I know, but my coworker threatened me with the prospect of working at Starbucks for the rest of my life... so I got the courage and emailed my response (amazing how shy you can be over an email). I was contacted pretty soon after and instead of having me audition for the show they just put me on the bill...

 There was some confusion in the beginning about when the show started. (silly us thought that when they tell you a show starts at 8.. the show would actually start at 8) So around 8:20 we were finally let into the building, and I was directed to the back stage where I had so often waited with that old improv group mere months before. It still carried that faint aroma of pot and Lord knows what else. (It is however a lot nicer than some other comedy clubs, I have to admit)

I was greeted by the host who then gave me the details of how the show would be run. (I actually came to find out that one of the reasons they picked me to perform that night was because they thought I had done stand up there before, or ever for that matter. Even though I clearly told them "When it says I performed at the Comedy Store on my resume it was when I was performing improv, not stand up." But seeing as these people are really on top of their details I didn't stress myself over correcting them when they told me"You don't need to worry! You've done this before right?")

So I was told that the more people I bring the better spot I would get and the longer amount of time I would be allotted on stage. Luckily I about 12 wonderfully supportive friends showed up. The roomies were present of course and fortunate were hit on by the ever popular emcee (wink wink nudge nudge sarcasm.) Some guest appearances came up that night, one of them being Elliot Chang who if you haven't seen, is hilarious. (check him out)

When I was finally given the set list, around the time when three comics had already done their sets, I found out that I was number ten. There were quite a few comics and the ones who were more well known were allowed about ten to fifteen minutes. When I first received the details I was told I would get eight minutes, then I got a follow up phone call which entailed seven minutes, and as I sat backstage the emcee explained I may be getting about 6 minutes before they "flashed the lights" So all in all, I had no clue how long I'd have.

Fast forward about two and a half hours of waiting around listening to an onslaught of penile jokes, one complete with a live strap-on, (I never said I was proud of the people working around me) I was about to go on. The kid that went before me shared a lot of similar comments I had been making in my head about some of the comics on stage. He'd say out loud "Oh that's not funny," or "Yeah that's inappropriate." So I had faith that the kid going up before me would be a good act to follow. As I was waiting off stage I listened to him ramble about religion and how awful Christianity was, trying desperately to be that edgy comic but instead ended  spiraling into a hopeless mess and wound up forgetting half his set. Worrying that I would do the same thing I muttered a feverish prayer (one of many I sent up that day) into my clenched hands asking that I would not forget my line up and that the crowd would be gracious.
When the emcee announced me I was slightly broadsided by his comments. The point of the emcee is to talk up the next comic, get the crowd excited for them and then bring them out. Every once in a while they'll throw in a cute quip about who the comic is and where they've performed. I didn't know this guy and let me be clear that he was very polite back stage, and was in no way offensive...off stage.

But as I waited this was the gem I was introduced with:

"This next comic comes from Phoenix Arizona and I gotta say she's pretty hot. I would totally bang her if you know what I mean, which I think you do. You guys up here in the front her friends? Think you could hook me up? Haha Alright give it up for her she's performed all over town KAAATTTIIIEEEE E!!!"

Confused I walked on stage thinking "jerk" and continued with my set which started a little something like this...
"Wow, that was awkward. Think I should tell him I'm celibate? Ooops. No but really I'm celibate, that's not a joke. Shut up."
 
And off I went. Perhaps swinging through the motions of my planned out set, but nonetheless remembering it all. Which is quite an accomplishment... apparently...
I know there are plenty of things I can improve upon but for only doing this for the second official time, I think it went pretty dang well.
 
Cheerfully yours,
~Goof

I Scared A Little Girl Today...

Well technically it was yesterday but I couldn't post this till today.

So as the story usually goes I was at an audition. I had received a casting notice for a production that involved masks and puppetry. I was especially excited about the puppet because ever since Muppet Treasure Island graced my childhood I had always had a small yearning to be a muppeteer. So I submitted and got called in for Sunday in the morning right at 11:20.

I had honestly considered not going over various reasons like being too tired, exhausted from getting cut from virtually every audition I go on, and more specifically the world cup was on at 11:30! I had gone back and forth, waffling over whether it was worth it. Until the night before I was talking with my sister and she asked how I was doing and if I had any auditions coming up. I told her honestly that I had been pretty down lately after being rejected so many times, and was debating on whether or not it was even worth going to this crazy mask and puppet audition. This of course is just the life of an actor, being rejected on a regular basis, but it can be extremely trying and sometimes I let it eek over into other areas in my life.

Like not feeling confident enough to make real decisions. I get flustered and untrusting of how I make my choices, deeming my skills in decision making as flawed because I clearly haven't been very successful in my career yet. It's a long way around the bend, but that's how my thinking twists in my head.

"I just really want to be in a show!" I whined. (Because I am an adult and that's what we do)

"Well you know how you get into a show?" my sister asks ironically.

Smirking I nodded and decided it was best to go to this silly audition.

The requirements seemed simple enough, bring in a movement piece and we will have a cd player if you need back up music. When I got home from my sisters house that night it was nearing midnight, a mere eleven hours before I had to be at the audition. As soon as I sat down to think about what I was going to do my mind went blank.

Great timing brain.

I looked up my iTunes music to see what I had in storage but realized that my computer is awesome and had randomly deleted over half my library, just because it felt like it. So every other song would pop up a message something like "This file could not be found because it potentially does not exist, would you like to try and locate it?"

Sweet.
I was at a loss until I remembered a project a good friend of mine had created. It included music from Amelie. I loved the movie and the music, and the way my friend incorporated it into her show worked really well in regards to movement.

Now I'm not one for stealing ideas. Perhaps expanding on ideas is more what I do, but I did feel a little guilt in the back of my mind that I wasn't being entirely original. But I did it anyway.

I picked the third song on the cd "La noyée" and began to burst a vein trying to think of a simple story I could express with just my body.

It was nearing 1:30 when I finally settled on the genius plan that this would be about a girl getting up for work. She can barely lift her head until she has her coffee then realizes she's late and rush out the door. She'd try to catch a cab being blown over by the cars rushing past and eventually had to pay someone for their scooter.

It was cute, simple, and quaint but at 1:30 in the morning... it was brilliant!

I realized as it was nearing 2 that I was using my face way too much. Considering this was supposed to be a masked piece in which we "expressed emotions through movement" I was pretty sure facial expressions might be considered cheating. So before I went to bed I set my alarm to wake up right before Jo-Ann's opened their doors.
As the alarm went off "La noyée" played and I did a quick rehearsal of the piece before I was up and about getting ready for the day.

I rushed off to Jo-Ann's in Glendale nearly missing it twice because it's in a really random area of town. I was helped by a next to clueless man who ended up having to turn me over to a much younger and more assured clerk. As soon as the receipt was handed over I was tearing open the plastic package and taking out the blank mask.

I examined the mask in my car timidly putting it on and looking at myself in the mirror.

I looked like a creep. Especially with my hair down.

Becoming ridiculously shy in the empty Jo-Ann's parking lot I started my car and headed off to the audition. When I arrived I was about 40 minutes early, so I parked in a free residential area. Seeing as I hadn't practiced the piece with the mask I decided to do a quick run through in my car.

Paranoid, as always, I looked around to see if there was anyone watching. The houses looked deserted and I assumed everyone was watching the world cup.

Come on I coaxed myself. Don't get shy now. Since when have you been so bashful?

Considering this for a minute I pulled the blank mask down over my head and played the music. I quickly became aware of how hard it was going to be just to breathe. I moved through the motions and noted where I'd have difficulty seeing and how I'd have to move more specifically to get an emotion across. I was suddenly on fire with inspiration. I ran through the movements with great flourish and without hesitation.

As I neared the end of the piece I whipped my head up and saw the little girl staring at me.
She was walking with her mom down the sidewalk I was parked on. She was maybe four or five years old and wore a pink shirt and her hair was in sloppy pig tails, falling out most likely from running around too much. Her face was serious, as though the morning’s exuberance had never happened. She'd walk two steps or so and turn back, her mother dragging her along.

I sat in my car frozen to my seat, as though I had been caught in the act; which... I had been. The girl noticed me staring back at her and stopped dead in her tracks no longer allowing her mother to take a single step further. Confused her mother turned as well. I sat their horrified that creepy ol me was still wearing this masking sitting in my car... my hands still up in the air.

Slowly I lowered my hands and lifted the mask off.

The girl dropped her mother’s hand, as though she had confirmed that this weirdo had finally materialized into reality. And mom kept staring too.

Uncomfortable and glowing bright red I checked around my car as if there were something else they might be looking at. I thought maybe there was something more eccentric than me around... but nope it was just me. And them.

I turned back around to see their backs faced to me as mom rushed tiny pig tails away from whatever this was.
Part of me was thoroughly embarrassed.

But the other part, that crazy deranged side that's kept me doing theater for years... that part laughed.

Hero of the Week

So this week's Hero has been up in the air for a few days. There were sketchy men with V-neck silk shirts lounging on percariously parked limos, or a fellow auditioner who claimed his last name was "Private" and that he was close friends with Scorsese and Dan Aykroyd even though he was auditioning for a bit role in a web series. But hands down the Hero of this week has to do with a person I did not meet, nor will I probably ever.

In an attempt to keep things relevant I donned you all with this glorious youtube video. A masterpeice in its subtleties, this video only requires about four minutes of your attention. In full length this video is two hours long, which is pretty lengthy... considering it's a music video.

Yes, I crown this weeks Hero of the Week to Mister R Kelly and his music video entitled "Trapped in the Closet"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8IVlfyIc8g

Now don't be confused by this ambigious title, R Kelly makes it clear that his orientation is nothing to question in the first few seconds. As for the content I beg you to watch to the end of the clip and cherish the ridiculousness.

As I am always on the look out for your next Hero of the week, someone who tops the charts and begs the question "Why on Earth would you do that?"  I'd love to hear suggestions! Email me your hero of the week at GetOnItGoof@gmail.com
Artfully yours,
Goof