Taco Bell

I admit it. I friggin love Taco Bell.

I know where to get a phenomenal tuna tartar. I'd rather my chocolate with a fine red wine and a touch of sea salt. I enjoy eating salads without dressing so I can get more of the flavors the vegetables have offer. I'm saying this because I want you to know, I do enjoy classy food.
But then....

Taco Bell is like the abusive boyfriend I can't get enough of. If an abusive boyfriend was capable of giving you sudden, and unnecessary, diarrhea.

 Every time I go back to it I rarely regret it. You know, whilst eating it. Of course 15 to 20 minutes later I wonder what the hell is wrong with me, but I go back anyway.

I will order way too much. As in a quesadilla meal plus burritos, plus chalupas, plus supreme tacos. I can't get enough! I have ordered so much a few times I've taken to having fake conversations on my phone as I pick up the food.

"What's that? Yeah I'm like ten minutes away." I put my hand over the phone, lean toward the cashier as I whisper, "Extra hot sauce please," uncovering the phone I go back to my fake conversation, "Yeah I asked just like you wanted. It's fine! I'll be there soon!"

I'm 90% sure the cashier never buys this ploy, but I do it anyway.

Did you know you can buy gift cards to Taco Bell? Yes. Gift. Cards. It's like a Starbucks gift card, but

instead of an overpriced simple black coffee, you're getting Crunch Wrap Supremes, Grilled Stuffed Burritos, and Doritos Locos Tacos!

I have dined at very fancy places. I really enjoy culinary detail and when someone is passionate about food.
I also love things covered in cheese.
I'm American, what can I say?

But I will not, I repeat, WILL NOT attempt to eat their breakfast abomination. I don't know what the hell is going on there. I love Taco Bell, but I have my limits.

Food Fails

This week I wrote the Duchess Riot blog for the favorite eats around town.
Here, I'm gonna do a little something different. I'm gonna share with you the disgusting things I've concocted over the years.
Some of them grand, and lots of them.... eh not so much.

1) The Cinnamon Apple Chicken Dish - It was college and I didn't have many ingredients and I was just getting my cooking flare. I thought "Well I have chicken. Apples. That might be good!" I put it in a pan of butter and added the cinnamon at last minute. Before I took a bite I called my bona fide chef sister to tell her about it:
"Oh...uh...interesting, tell me how it goes."
It was disgusto.
"Yeah  I figured it might be"

2) The Souffle In Three Ingredients- This was one of the Pinterest failed experiments. I think it required something like egg flour and cocoa, with nothing to make the dough rise but sheer will. It ended up flat and rubbery. I think I'll just purchase actual dessert delicacies from now on.

3) Creme De Menth Bars - These are actually a holiday standard in my family. It usually turns out in a three layered chocolate and mint bars, sooo tasty. But wouldn't you know that you should pay attention to the instructions? I'm sometimes awful at that. The recipe called for powdered sugar. I used regular. They ended up sand bars.

4) The Sugar Cookies - Similarly, there was the time I forgot the main ingredient in Sugar cookies. By the way I have a great recipe for butter crackers now.

5) The First Time I Made Coffee - I was a kid, okay!? I wanted to make my dad some coffee so I put water on top coffee grounds and swirled it around. Sadly this recipe didn't make the cut in years to come.

6) Pizza Ice Cream - Do Not Knock it TILL YOU'VE TRIED IT!
No not pizza flavored ice cream. Pizza, with ice cream on top. (Please see the above statement)
Yes. I know it sounds gross, but this was my 14 year old standard one summer. I'd come home from summer school PE (great idea for a kid to take in Arizona, ugh), pop in a Digiorno, thaw some ice cream, and a start reading The Order of the Phoenix. It was legitimately one of the best summers ever.  I also I suggest a plain cheese or pepperoni Digiorno with Vanilla Bean Ice Cream.
Also, this is probably the fastest way to gain weight btw.