Yes, the sieve. I have never been fond of this contraption for the following reasons:
1) It Steals My Food - Every time I make Mac and cheese, you know the legit kind, Kraft elbow noodles or the shells with extra cheesey goodness? Every time I strain the good stuff, more pasta ends of sticking to the sieve than goes back in the pot. And SURE that might be because I've cooked the noodles too long, yeah throw That argument out in my face! But who among us hasn't suffered from the broken noodles that the sieve has to offer?
Who among us I ask??
2) CLEAN UP - There is literally no way to clean a sieve. It is an actual improbability. Sure you can scrub it, you can throw it in the dishwasher, you can even let it dry and then try knocking out the little particles. But no matter What you try there will always be that little grain of noodle, the speck of potato, the branch of broccoli. You Can Not Clean A Sieve.
3) Spelling - I come from a long line of dyslexics. That means that the "i before e" rule can be tattooed on my forearm for all the good it does me. I will not relay how many times I've written the word SIV, only to realize I've been suddenly writing about monkey AIDS instead of a receipe for mango sticky rice. That's right, sivs are just monkey AIDS without autocorrect. Thanks a lot sieve!
Some helpful alternate uses for the sieve.
1) A key holder
2) A place to store your sponge
3) A mold for your paper mâché bowl
4) An accessory in your trash can!
All these things are very useful alternatives to the true sieve (your hand, or a fork). I should mention you should master the art or pouring before attempting to strain your pasta using a fork. You should also kill all feeling in your hands before using them to strain steamed food.
A great way to kill all feeling in your hands is to use your hands as a strainer for steamed pasta and/or vegetables.
Until next tomorrow, stay away from sieves!
~The Goof
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